Internet Crush: Barney Artist talks first dates, fearing morons and spending all his money

Forest Gate fresh face Barney Artist is this week's Internet Crush.

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Forest Gate based East Londoner Barney Artist is best mates with South London’s premiere musical contingent, including the likes Loyle Carner and Tom Misch. Barney’s making a name for himself as a rapper that balances more ‘conscious’ themes with old school grooves and his music stylings fit seemlessly into the fresh and jazzy sounds of the South London massive. In the game for a couple of years, he’s already worked alongside the likes of Alfa Mist and Jordan Rakei in the run up to his debut album. We have a feeling summer is going to be good to Barney, so we got to know him for this week’s Internet Crush.

Do you remember your dreams? Tell us about a recent dream you’ve had….
The most annoying thing is that I have incredible dreams, but I always forget them. Always!! But they are incredible, I’m sure of it. It’s actually getting me annoyed thinking about it, next question!!

Have you ever committed a crime (or done something illegal)? If so what did you do and were there consequences?
Ok, I’ve never told anybody this, but when I was 12 I used to… I used to… I USED TO WEAR XXL JEAN SHORTS, FAKE TIMBERLANDS AND A NEON DURAG. I’m sorry! I’m so so sorry. I was young and didn’t know any better. I should’ve been arrested for such a heinous crime.

What is the closest you’ve ever come to death?
I told my mum “I don’t give a shit” in an argument when I was 15, my life flashed before my eyes. Ahe should’ve worked at KFC with the combos she gave me.

Describe your sound in three words…
Vibes, honest and London-ish (I don’t care if it’s not a word).

What’s your star sign? Are you a typical *whatever your sign is*?
Taurus. Apparently, we are supposed to be stubborn but I don’t believe in star signs, and you can’t change my mind on that!

When was the first time you had your heart broken?
It was a while ago, so I don’t really remember the details coz I’ve grown up and stuff. But, it was the Friday 4th July 2003. 3:11 pm. 26 degrees. 78.8 Fahrenheit. “She” told me that she would meet me after school to go and watch 2 Fast 2 Furious. It was my first date. I bought her a pack of Rowntree’s fruit pastels, and a strawberry jelly and ice cream flavoured Panda Pop. “She” stood me up. I found out she went to watch it with “Him” instead. I’ve never been the same.

Who was your first celebrity crush?
Samantha Mumba. No one ever ever chat to me. She was supposed to be my wife. 11-year-old Barney could’ve been the man she needed. It’s not too late so Samantha, I’m here, a rap star who could change your life forever.

What would your biography be called?
”Is Barney your real name?”

What was the first song you ever wrote?
“The Best” I started strong with my career prospects init, shame it sounded like someone microwaving a cat.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?
“Life is too short to moisturise your thighs” – JME

How was high school?
Yeah, it was cool, I was the class clown, so got away with a lot. Massive shout out to all the teachers worldwide, we need to pay our teachers way more money and give them the respect they deserve, they are Superheroes!

Is sex important to you? (why?)
What is this “Sex” thing you speak of? That should explain the mythical state of my love life.

What’s the biggest problem facing humans as a species?
Morons. Morons are everywhere and spreading like wildfire, we have an island and send all the morons there, call it Trump Island or something.

Describe your own personal idea of hell…
Stuck on the Central line in summer, with someone who chews with their mouth open, they are eating a liver sandwich and has horrific body odour!!

Which talent would you most like to have? (and why?)
Money management. I wish I was talented with looking after money rather than finding out I’ve spent it all on Cheetos, Coronas and iPhone Chargers.

What’s one thing we can all do to contribute to equality?
Listen and love each other; it’s that simple, if we listen and love each other through everything, things will change for the better.

When was the last time you cried and why?
Wednesday 11th July. It’s not coming home. I sobbed.

Where/what will you be doing at the end of the world?
Eating some wings watching episodes of My Wife and Kids.

Barney Artist’s debut album Home Is Where the Art Is, is out this autumn.

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